took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
