i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
