3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
...so i touched it.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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