fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
