Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
