I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
