i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
