Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
