Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
