I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
