god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
be right there i have to get my cape
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
