I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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