I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
