My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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