I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize