just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
