I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
