Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
