...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
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