WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
