I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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