Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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