either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
