Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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