her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
