Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
