i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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