oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
