Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
