I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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