life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you didnt know i had herpes?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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