I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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