these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize