I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
