shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
