Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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