Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
