Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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