please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
