in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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