dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We just shotgunned beers for America
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
