I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I think I just sharted jello shots
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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