The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
