My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
