i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
