if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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