I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
