Well douche your snatch and let's go!
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize