Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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