yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i just made my gag reflex go away.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
