worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
