While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
