you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
