I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
