I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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