I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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