i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize