I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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