so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
