I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
