My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Everyone says I win the strip club
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
