I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
