mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize