before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
