Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
