My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
