I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize