Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Randomize
