he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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