New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
