i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Randomize
