I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
