pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize