My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Text me some of your sweat
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
