There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
