Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize