i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
