Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
