yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
