I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize