I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
