He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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