I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
