i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
