i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
